It's all over the media these days, from actors to sports figures to politicians. Infidelity. Adultury. Betrayal. Cuckolding. Stepping out. Two-timing. Straying. Cheating. Of course, not everybody cheats. Some people choose to end their relationship before they stray, others enter agreements with their partners to have non-monogamous relationships or marriages instead. And plenty of people in relationships never cheat at all.
But when someone has made the choice to look for sex outside of a relationship without their partner's consent, it hurts.
- If you're thinking of cheating, please get help first. You don't have to be that person who leaves that kind of hurt in your wake. You have options. If you're unsatisfied in your relationship, couples therapy could help improve communication with your partner and give you tools to bring you both closer to feeling fulfilled. And if couples therapy isn't an option, individual therapy can help you figure out how to deal with your relationship in a way that doesn't need to include infidelity.
- If you've already secretly been sexual with people who aren't your significant other, and want to stop, therapy can help with that. A lot of people who cheat report having terrible feelings of shame and low self-esteem, even before they cheated. Maybe there are dark or difficult things in your past that have led up to this. Let's unpack those things and deal with them openly in therapy so that you don't have to carry them around with you anymore.
- If your infidelity includes compulsive sexual behaviors, you may need extra help to stop. Please check out my "Sexual Addiction" page for more.
*** A Note to Partners:
If you've just discovered that your partner or spouse has cheated on you, you are probably feeling freaked out, angry, hurt, confused, or depressed -- or maybe all of those and more. It can be extremely traumatic to find out about this kind of betrayal, especially for the first few days and weeks after discovery. PLEASE don't try to go through this by yourself. Whether you see me for individual therapy or find another therapist or a partners group, please get help dealing with everything that's happening, especially from a professional who understands.
You don't have to go through this alone.